Just Ask Amy: Respecting Those Who Hurt

Respect is something that is given, but trust is something that is earned. 

When you have been wronged by someone, you can still show them respect by doing the following things:

  • Let go of your resentment toward them.  This is more for your benefit than theirs, but it will also help you in your responses toward them. It doesn’t mean that you have to suddenly be best friends with them again....remember, trust is earned....but it will help you to be more respectful in your responses to them.


  • Talk to a trusted adult about what you went through.  It will be tempting to want to spread gossip and hurt the person just like they hurt you, but be the better person and just don’t.  Instead, talk to a trusted adult who listens well and gives sound advice.  Sometimes just hearing someone else’s perspective helps in healing.


  • Turn your pain into purpose. When your focus is on your pain/how you’ve been wronged, you will never be able to heal. Instead, look for ways to turn something painful in your life into something that is purposeful. For example volunteer with younger kids and teach them how to have healthy and respectful friendships.


  • Give it time. Whenever you have been hurt deeply, it is going to take time to heal. Give yourself some freedom to heal. There isn’t a timeline for healing. And understand that the deeper the offense, the longer it will take to heal from it.

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